The Homestuck Armada

It had been a thousand years since the Condesce took him as her prize and favoured slave to power and navigate her flagship. He stopped counting, he stopped caring. He stopped trying to wiggle his fingers to see if they still moved, stopped trying to move his legs to keep them from atrophying under the weight and lack of activity. He remembered what it was like to have been driven insane under the monotony and repetition of the dual responsibilities of interstellar navigator and psychic propellant. He remembered and then forgot.

Without active nights, without resting days, there was no way to mark the time. It just marched on, passing him by.

And then a second held its breath.

Then another, and another, until the mustard-blooded Psiionic felt time come to a halt. Shortly after, the subtle and constant hum of psychic energy warbled. It was quiet and almost undetectable, and then she was there like a ghost slipping out from behind a silk curtain.

A familiar sensation itched in the back of his mind and he hesitated before he could remember that there was a word for it: curiosity. Before his head could turn to follow the shimmer in the fabric of the universe, she was in front of him. Slender and immense at the same time, her eyes were filled with millenia of violence and apathy and obedience and rebellion.

He expected her to kill him, to free him from an eternity of servitude. He wished for it, he begged for it, he demanded it. But now, she couldn’t do that. She wasn’t permitted. He still had a long duty to serve to his Empress. But what she could do was give him a reprieve.

In the space of a second and for a single yellow lifetime, she took him away. Off the ship, away from the other trolls, away from her own Master, they lived and they loved. They philosophized and fought and made up and everything in between.

But one day, she woke him from inside their shared recupracoon. Her voice faltered for the first time he ever remembered hearing. She told him that time was up. He had to go back.

One of the most powerful and terrifying beings in existence wept as she brought her love back to his prison and formed his shackles once more around healed scars. He didn’t resist, nor did he assist. He was too busy listening to the fabric of the universe and the souls of the doomed. His own voice was among them.

When the seconds breathed again, the Alternian flagship faltered only for a moment as he reasserted his control over it. It was only a few more breaths later when the Condesce screamed into his room, panicking and raging over a crisis he couldn’t comprehend and demanding he turn the ship around and take them home - now.

Life had a funny habit of making even the most savage of races work together for mutual gain. Some call this irony, some tell those irony-criers to go back to washing the dishes, please.

Now, this is a story of a little girl in a savage world who has fallen for one of her clients. You see, long ago on this wondrous little planet was a bold and dashing youth of the name Equius. A blueblood noble, he was the strongest of them all… His muscles did glisten, his sunglasses did shine, and his snaggled broken teeth did look pretty when he grinned. This man was born with rage in his blood, a firey passion to break and destroy. His fist crushed the constructs he made. Robots towering higher than buildings would be made. Robots with claws, teeth, and tendrils would be beckoned forth from the metal. And one by one, he’d face them in the arena. Fists flew like meteors, crashing through heads, ripping out gears. One by one, they all broke in an oily mess of circuitry.

His clothes would be soaked with pesperation and blood. His skin dripping sweat. Rips in the fabric would show those strong muscles hidden under his lanky exterior. He’d towel off, the strong solvents in his sweat causing the fabric to slowly wear away until the rags would fall apart.

Of course, he’d comission the finest weaver in the land for new fabrics. A blessed emerald blood, middle class to fix his clothing. Why, her nimble fingers glistened in the dual-moonlight. Her fingers wove in and out as her blessed Lusus worked to provide her the finest of silks for this worthy client. His bold form and heighth making it a challenge to work with. The way he was required to move made weaving the fabric painfully difficult… Why, it was a challenge she lived for and loved. But, the little green blood didn’t always play along so nice.

You see, Kanaya had once learned that the blue-blood was odd. While so high in the hemospectrum, he also had a very powerful weakness. A command send him to his knees. A beckon would send him scurrying off, and the sharp gaze of her beautiful eyes would almost make him beg… Almost…

She, the fashion diva of the Alternian world would use this ruthlessly, teasingly to her advantage. Dresses were made. Frilly outfits with lace sleeves and wondrous little bits of ribbon hanging off the end. How deliciously terrifying. If anyone caught sight of poor Equius in this outfit, he’d die of embarrassment… And that’s the thought which drove him wild! The face this Emerald blooded fiend was commanding him to do this or that made his pores pour. He was in heaven, only releasing the faintest of whimpers the first time she clutched his whole and broken horn… pulling him into a soft kiss.

Rose looked at her ectobiobrother in the eye. His face was impassive, but he tried a little too hard, sometimes. And it was in those times that she was able to read him like a book— a children’s book, complete with little pictures and rhymes and all other things juvenile and un-ironic. Her eyes hinted at a smile as he continued to rant and rave about this troll who had, apparently, taken to ignoring him (or, if not ignoring, then patronizing; Dave wasn’t giving her too much to go on about the specifics of their conversations).

“Who the fuck wears those kind of glasses anyways? Not even ironically. He legitimately wears those glasses wherever he goes. It’s always night in trolland, right, like that‘s a thing to them. Oh, we live on a pitch black planet, you know what sounds like an awesome idea? SUNGLASSES. These moon beams are giving me a sun burn, because it’s so dark and horrible here than we just can’t handle the heat and moonbeams, oh shit. Are they even fucking sunglasses? Are they moonglasses? Why the hell trolls have sunglasses? This almost makes as much sense as the fact that they have Faygo.”

His face was impassive, eyebrows twitching when he thought he had said something particularly amusing or witty, obviously pleased with his ability to make nonsense sound eloquent. Rose rested her chin in her hand, leaning in as though what he was saying as captivating. In reality, she was just scrutinizing him behind his ironically over-sized eyewear. Maybe he was worried that this troll — Equius, was it? She hadn’t spoken to him, she didn’t think — was stealing his thunder. He generally made it a habit to not-care when… well, just to not care. Stealing his thunder from what? It’s not like they ran in the same social circles— well, not really, anyways.

Whatever his problem was, she could tell that he was pissed because he wasn’t being… what would you say he was? Sassy? Why not. He wasn’t being as sassy as he usually was.

Sass. The smile that was haunting her face appeared, her eyes still tracing her brother’s face with a not-so-subtle amusment.

——

When Dave and Equius finally met, it was within a clusterfuck of trolls and humans and metal walls, everyone chatting —EXCITED—EDLY or nervou2ly or OBNOXIOUSLY, weirdly raspy troll voices intertwining with smooth human timbre. Dave noticed the Hulk standing in the back, talking in hushed tones to a… wait, a furry? Trolls have those? The fuck did she have a tail for. There were so many stupid aspects of humans on these aliens; seriously they were pretty much just gray humans with a retarded vocabulary at this poi—

And then Dave noticed the Hulk glaring at him. The other sounds in the room seemed muted as Equius’s mouth opened partially to sneer at him, pointed, broken teeth poking out from behind parted black lips. They just stared at each other for a moment. The aggression that seemed to be exuding from the other troll was, for some reason, surprising to Dave; he had always assumed that Equius didn’t care, that he wasn’t annoyed or thought he was just so much better than “humans.”

The fact that Equius seemed so thoroughly pissed off was… Pretty fucking awesome. Dave looked Equius right in the eye and smirked— Equius growled and Dave’s face returned to it’s normal impassivity, turning his back to the large troll and beginning to formulate some new ideas to piss him off. A small reward for all of the internal turmoil.

Lucky Equius.   
   
—-
   
Rose hadn’t seen Dave in a long while — or, at least not long enough to strike up a conversation as to what the hell he’d been doing for the past weeks.

Dave’s time was almost constantly spent in Equius’ presence; he was either taunting him or fighting him, or, as the case became more and more often nowadays, would just disappear with him for house on end, only to show up later like he hadn’t disappeared into oblivion for a small moment.

Rose had caught him, apparently, coming back from one such event, stopping him in the hallway and scrutinizing his face. He was breathing a little deeper than he usually was, like he had just begun calming down from a long run; there was a flush to his cheeks (not much of one, but it was there); his arms were folded at an awkward angle. Like he was hiding something.

She, in an uncharacteristic act of ultimate bromanship, put her knuckles out in front of Dave’s chest.

He was never one to back down from an ironic fist bump.

She could see the almost pained look on his face as he uncrossed his arms and tapped her fist, saying nothing as she looked at the almost impossibly dark purple welt that was situated on his forearm. He crossed his arms a moment later, closing himself off to her analysis and continuing off down the hallway. Her eyes followed him, resting on the small bruises on his neck. She sighed and continued walking, ever amused at Dave’s secrecy; it was painfully obvious to everyone what was going on. She rolled her eyes and wondered how Equius hadn’t yet torn him limb from limb.

Hate is such a curious thing.   

So life has this funny way of happening.

I’m going to make every effort to relaunch all these ships and answer the ones we’ve already got awaiting response. I’ve closed down the ask box until I can get caught up (nearly 30 ships waiting!), but the submit box is open for anything else, such as comments or links to other fun ships.

Stay tuned!

  
    Dear Kk:   
    Thank2 for tryiing to get iin contact wiith me. iit’2 not liike iit’2 weiird or anythiing that ii haven’t contacted you iin a few month2. Totally normal. And wow, you’ve done 2uch a good job tryiing to fiind me and fiigure out what’2 wrong! You’re a great friiend, ii’m really glad you 2ugge2ted thii2 liiviing arrangement.
    Oh, you diidn’t 2ugge2t thii2, you ju2t abandoned all of u2 2o you could go liive wiith your human? ii mu2t have forgotten about that part. 2iilly me.
    When 2hiit hiit the fan, Dave wa2 the one who “2aved me.” Becau2e, you know, there were only about three troll2 left iin the whole fuckiing 2olar 2y2tem, and 2eeiing a2 how we were goiing to earth, we would need to be “protected” or 2ome 2hiit, liike that wa2 a thiing. Really? Protected? iif we fuckiing liived iin a place liike, liike… ii don’t know, Canada or whatever the fuck iit2 called, we’d ju2t buiild a fuckiing hiive and exii2t untiil we diied. That would be fuckiing FiiNE wiith me. But no, the human2 thought iit wa2 theiir job to take control and help u2 or 2omethiing. And you thought iit wa2 a really fanta2tiic iidea. ii mean, iif you thought iit wa2 a good iidea, iit had to work, riight? iit’2 not liike you make 2tupiid decii2iion2, riight?
    OH WAiiT, you DO. All the fuckiing tiime.
    Anyway2, iit wa2 cool for a whiile.
    The poiint ii2, we 2topped talkiing— and that’2 when Dave and hii2 brother began gettiing 2tupiid. Ju2t 2o, 2O fuckiing 2tupiid. iit 2tarted wiith them a2kiing me to help wiith the dii2he2. Ea2y enough. Human food ii2 a liittle gro22, but they were cool about iit. Not a biig deal. Then iit wa2 cleaniing up around the hou2e. Al2o fiine, gettiing annoyiing, but they were out all day, iit’2 not liike ii had anythiing better to do. Then they 2topped lettiing me watch theiir TV when they were home. That wa2 fuckiing annoyiing. Then ii wa2n’t allowed to watch TV at all. ii wa2n’t allowed to u2e the game 2y2tem. Then ii couldn’t touch the computer. That’2 when ii realiized what wa2 happeniing.
    ii’m not goiing to go iinto what’2 been goiing on around here iin too much detail. There’2 no need— iit’2 not that bad, not by Alterniian 2tandard2. They treat me liike 2hiit, yeah, and ii’ll pretend iit hurt2 when they kiick or punch me, but ii can 2ee that gliimmer of piity iin theiir eye2. That “oh, that poor fucker, ii hope he diie2 2o we don’t have to keep 2howiing hiim that he’2 ju2t a worthle22 piiece of 2hiit all the tiime, boy iit’2 2o tiiriing, kiickiing the pii22 out of 2omeone everyday,” liike ii’m 2ome aniimal, liike ii’m 2o fuckiing iincapable of liiviing by my2elf that ii need them to take care of me and can’t leave becau2e they’re 2aviing me from the cold, unfeeliing human world. Oh no, there miight be human2 out iin the world that treat me liike 2hiit? ii don’t know HOW ii could 2tand that! 
    The thiing ii2, they don’t 2eem to under2tand that ii’m the one wiith the power here. ii mean, fuck, do they thiink ii’d be here iif ii diidn’t want to be? ii’ve been waiitiing to formulate a plan untiil ii can get out of here; and ii fiinally have iit. ii’m goiing to pull iit off toniight. Fuck, ii’m rambliing. ii don’t have tiime for thii2 2hiit.
    ii’m 2ure you’re wonderiing why iit’2 taken me 2o long to get a hold of you iif thii2 ii2 how my liife’2 been. Do you know how hard iit ii2 to do 2omethiing underhanded when you alway2 have a paiir of blood red eye2 ju2t glariing at you? iit remiind2 me a liittle biit of you— you know, they have red blood and are a22hole2, you have red blood and are an a22hole. iit’2 really no2talgiic, ju2t fuckiing great. ii fiinally have the tiime to wriite you, becau2e ii’m leaviing toniight.
    ii wa2 ju2t telliing you all of thii2 2hiit to (rea2on one) make 2ure you know that you fucked up royally abandoniing me wiith the2e 2hiit2taiin2, and hope that you have a rea2on to cull your2elf for the betterment of troll kiind— ii mean really, there‘2 only four of u2 left; do our 2lowly dyiing race a favor and throw your2elf off a cliiff, or 2tab your2elf iin the throat or 2omethiing.
    The 2econd rea2on ii2 2o you can explaiin to your preciiou2 John why hii2 be2t friiend ii2 goiing to have a huge hole riight through hii2 2tomach.
    Fuck you, Kk. iif ii ever fiind out where you are, ii’ll make 2ure ii giive you a kiick iin the face for every tiime tho2e 2tupiid goddamn 2triider’2 put theiir hand2 on me. Unle22 you throw your2elf off a cliiff, fiir2t. For your own good, do that before ii fiind you.

        -2ollux

    What the hell was he so happy about. All the time. Really, this land-dweller had no idea what was going on. It was like he was content to just dance the day away, just sit around his crappy horn pile and whisper his nothing- songs and dance his nothing-dance and just fuckin piss me off because really at least i havve the decency to put my fuckin collection of shitty wands somewhere no one can fuckin see them its common curte
    “HuH?” Gamzee’s heavy lidded eyes looked right at Eridan, who was scowling near the horn pile.    
    He looked positively stupid. Almost offensively stupid.
    Eridan growled at him. “i didnt say anythin to you.” His flat nose wrinkled in disgust as Gamzee’s face lit up with an obnoxious— creepy— smile.
    “BrO, yOu ToTaLlY sAiD sOmEtHiNg.” His head started swaying a little more, like he was listening to a song, and was getting into the groove.
    “i didnt say anythin to you. are you deaf, or just stupid?” Before he finished his sentence, Gamzee was already spaced, his entire body beginning to sway to some music that only he could hear. His eyes were closed, all those teeth were visible in as he smiled.    
    “PrObAbLy a LiTtLe BiT oF bOtH.” And with that, his entire head began banging, and he was once more in his own little world. Eridan snorted indignantly, and Gamzee smiled wider at the sound, his eyes still closed. 
    *
    Eridan tried his best to ignore Gamzee, but it was getting increasingly harder to ignore. He always looked so happy. Eridan scowled once more, eyes tracing the now sleeping form of indigo-blooded troll. It would be at this point where he would want to wax poetic about how relaxed he looked, all soft curves and face paint, but he couldn’t fucking do that because Gamzee ALWAYS looked this relaxed. He seemed to be at peace with everything around him, in perfect harmony with everyone. How was he so happy?
    This was nothing like Eridan felt about 99.9% of the time. Knowing that everyone hated you was a difficult pill to swallow. Wait, they didn’t hate you, they were just jealous. Wait. No. They definitely hated you— platonically.
    The worst kind of hate— the most boring, in any case.
    No one seemed to care that you had to act like you did; I mean, if you didn’t kill the gutter bloods, who would? It was important that someone uphold troll standards. You weren’t bloodiest— you were a purist.
    Right?
    Wwhatever.
    The worst part about the stupid land dweller was just how… how nice it would be to be his friend. To be more than that. To feel important to someone who seemed happy with everyone. To be able to make him happy. It hurt knowing that everyone saw you as a source of displeasure. Everyone but Gamzee. Who didn’t even talk to you.

    And this is why Eridan hated him. Because it was easier than feeling bad.
    Eridan continued to stare at the clown; maybe if he stared long enough, Gamzee hair would catch on fire or something. His face paint could be flammable, who knows?
    The thought made the sea-dweller smile as he watched the Capricorn snore peacefully.
    *
    “Do YoU wAnT sOmEtHiNg?”
    Eridan snapped to attention. For once, he really wasn’t staring at Gamzee, but he was facing that direction, scowling (as was his usual face nowadays), thinking about Feferi and Sollux and how much he wanted to just shoot a hole through the piss-blood’s chest. If only he had his gun with him…
    “no i don’t fuckin need anythin,” he snapped, startled by the sudden shock of someone talking to him for the first time in days. Gamzee smiled, crooked teeth sticking out at odd angles from painted lips.
    “sOuNdS lIkE yOu NeEd A cOlD oNe, My BrOtHeR.” His uneven voice made Eridan want to punch him, envious. A small ounce of a desperately needed drug, driving him crazy. Dont be nice to me wwhy the hell are you talkin to me noww i dont need you youre just a fuckin joke teasin me wwith your  “pOp A fAyGo AnD cHiLl, MaN.”
    He procured a grape faygo from his horn pile, and walked towards Eridan. The sea dweller looked at the faygo, mind grinding to a halt. This was it. The olive branch, an extended hand, the offer of friendship. Did he want this? No. Yes. No. Yes. NO. hes a landweller and thereby gross. YES. hes nice to you and hes so happy maybe you can be too if you just the fuck up and stopped being such an—
    “bRo, WhAt Is EvEn Up WiTh AlL tHe WiCkEd HaTe AnD sHiT yOu KeEp FlInGiN?” Eridan stopped his mental war, and stared at Gamzee. “i CaNt EvEn Be KeEpIn Up WiTh AlL tHeSe FuCkIn EmOtIoNaL ThEaTrIcS aNd ShIt. wHaT iS uP aNd BuGgIn YoU? yOu ShOuLd LiKe ToTaLlY oPeN uP aBoUt ThAt ShIt, MaN. mOtHeRfUcKiN fEeLiNgS aNd ShIt WiLl Up AnD kIlL a FuCkEr SoMeTiMe, BrOtHeR. lEt It OuT bEfOrE iT fUcKiN lEtS yOu OuT. cOmE hIt Up ThIs FuCkIn HoRnPiLe WiTh Me, BroThEr. tElL mE aBoUt YoUr MoThErFuCkIn PrObLeMs AnD sHiT.”
    A long silence rang out as Eridan stared wide-eyed at Gamzee’s face. Every he said was just so…
    So fucking stupid.
    It almost scared him how stupid it was. It was so stupid, so simple, so— so perfect.
    Eridan snatched the Faygo from Gamzee’s hand; he muttered some curse words and took a gulp of the [actually really gross] soft-drink, feeling like he just ran a mental marathon. Well, he wasn’t getting any happier being alone, and maybe being stupid for a second was just a teeny, tiny bit better than be desperate and lonely forever. After all, this is what you wanted, right? Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

     Yes?

His eyes met Gamzee’s for a moment, and he had look instantly away; his smile was practically eating his face, beaming.
    The land dweller grabbed an unwilling wrist, and all but dragged him to the hornpile. Not a whole lot was accomplished, but Eridan was smiling by the end of the feelings jam, and that meant something.
    No, it didn’t. Yes, it did. No, it didn’t. Yes, it did. No, it really didn’t mean something.
    It meant everything.

      There are things about addiction that everyone knows about.
    The first thing about addiction is you can’t let go. That’s why it’s an addiction (duh). It gets into your  mind, whirling tendrils of something— someone— that root themselves so deeply in your brain that you can’t think straight, can’t think without that rush.
    The second thing is that the addiction starts to destroy you. It didn’t start out that way, no, not at all— it was just something you liked being around, some activity you enjoyed. It wasn’t an impairment, it wasn’t a problem. Yet. Soon though, you stop functioning correctly. You stop seeing things clearly— if you ever saw things in the first place [which you didn’t].
    The last thing about addiction is that you tend to enjoy it. Deny it all you want, but that high you get the moment you realize that addiction, that obsession has it’s hold on you, you go insane. You revel in that destruction; revel in the perverseness of the situation, the smell of blue blood on gray skin, the taste of sharp, candy teeth and a foreign bubblegum tongue in your mouth, the sound of husky gasps as your fingers dance across sweat-slick skin.
    You enjoy it your destruction; just like she took your eyes, she’s taking your mind, as well.
    Her voice is freedom. She says your name and world stops spinning; it’s just the two of you, off on a distant planet untouched by time and space. Every word that falls from those full black lips is a different colour, her every sentence is an explosion of light and beauty so vivid that a small conversation can paint the picture of a new world, a new galaxy in her deep, steady timbre.
    Her touch is a symphony. Every finger was a different tune, a melody that envelopes you so fully that you lose yourself in the music. Her nails trace your face, your cheeks, your mouth, and the song issuing from her practiced fingers makes the instrument of your body sing. Softly at first, then building to crescendo that blindes you momentarily— well, blinded you more than you already are, enveloping all of your senses so that there was nothing but you and her and the music of your skin.
    That is why it was— is— an addiction. You would pull away, afraid of losing yourself so completely to her mind, but you‘d always come back; she has you so wrapped around her finger that it’s almost impossible to escape. Caught in her web, so to speak; her voice pierced your ears, intoxicating you with the sensation of absolute chaos, paralyzing you by the bite of her words.
    Vriska was your drug, and you can’t get enough.
    
**
    You enjoy the attention.
    You thought, at first, that maybe this was a game. In fact, you were sure it was. You’re fond of games; you’re a lucky gal, you can afford to take chances others can’t. If Terezi wanted to challenge you to this— well, whatever it was that she was challenging you to, then so be it. You’d play.
    It was fun, you had to admit. She kept pushing you, kept goading you on— it got more and more serious. Before you knew it, you were actively trying to best her, to prove that… something. Prove you were better than she was? No, that wasn’t it. That you were… Worthy? Hm. Worthy. That sounded right. Worthy of what, though?
    The question disturbed you, especially when you began to realize that this entire situation was getting a little more… flushed than you wanted it too. Why the fuck was this unspoken, not-actually-a-challenge challenge so… alluring?
    Whatever it was, you were going to win.

    Suddenly, you realized the game had run it’s course; there wasn’t anything more to gain [if there was anything to gain in the first place]. You had her in your web— she blindly clutched around in the darkness, her toothy smile glinting as she trusted you to keep her safe in this dangerous place.
    She trusted you.
    You had her where you wanted. You could take away all that she was, leave her high and dry and find some other unsuspecting sucker to continue to trifle with, but… this was different. You wanted her right where she was; you wanted to keep her here, wrap her up and suspend her so you could enjoy your willing victim as you pleased. She would do anything for you.
    That was a good enough victory prize.

    Feferi was ignoring him. She still smiled and flirted, but Sollux wasn’t stupid; she was just playing him, and as more and more of their conversation just consisted of her making small talk and fish jokes, he knew that she was bored. It wasn’t as if he already didn’t feel inadequate around her; she was just too goddamn perfect.
    And so he sat in silence, and thought.
    *
    Karkat was ignoring her. He yelled and he ranted, but Nepeta wasn’t stupid; he platonically hated her, and as more and more of their conversations just consisted of him talking about himself and yelling about his own inadequacies, she knew that he didn’t like her. At all. It wasn’t as if she didn’t already feel sort of out-of-her-league around him; he was just too perfect.
    And so she sat in silence, and thought.
    *
    Nepeta and Sollux were next to each other, lost in contemplation; neither of them seemed to know that there were other people around. Nepeta watched Karkat longingly, her wide eyes blurred with almost-tears; she thought about her OTP ship sinking farther and father into the ocean of despair.     Meanwhile, Sollux pretended not to be glaring at Feferi— his thoughts were telling, however, as he would occasionally spark. Eventually, a particularly dark thought permeated through his thoughts, and a loud crack was heard between duo. They both jumped at the sudden sound.
    They locked eyes, seeming only just to realize that they were indeed in each other’s company. They looked at each other silently for a moment, when Sollux smirked; Nepeta let out a small sigh, and giggled in response. That’s when it began.
    *
    They never realized until that moment that they sat next to each other almost daily, their chosen computers in perfect view of both Feferi and Karkat; they never had any reason to talk before. It was easy to realize why they had chosen to sit in the places they did. Nepeta’s reactions to Sollux’s friendly jibes were telling, and when Nepeta shot back at him with a few (malice-laced) fish puns, his defensiveness gave the astute catgirl the 411 on his love life.
    It wasn’t long before they both came to the conclusion that they were in the same emotional boat; mildly angry, but mostly hurt and alone. This became a basis for which they based their one track relationship.
    *
    This went on for a long time.
    *
    The more they hung about each other, the more they both began to realize how alike they were; the nerd and the catgirl were fast becoming friends. The joked and lamented together— Sollux was pretty sure that he’d seen Equius on more than one occastion glaring at him or talking snidely to his green-blooded moirail about D—> not hanging around low-bloods, but that simply made Sollux smile, enjoying Nepeta’s company. He also enjoyed the fact that she would yell at Equius over him (you know that it doesn’t meowtter to me what other trolls think; don’t get your whiskers in a twist), so you know, that was nice too.
    Then, something happened. It started off as a joke, but soon it became a reality; Sollux and Nepeta began to scheme, creating a plan to ensure that they would end up with the person they loved in the palm of their hand. They smiled secret smiles as they began putting their plan into action.
    *
    They had a deal.
    Nepeta would hover around Sollux to get close to Karkat; proximity is everything, right? Karkat and Sollux were friends, and KK’d notice her if she was just around him more. This could not in anyway just get REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING OR ANYTHING to him.
    Sollux would flirt and laugh with Nepeta so Feferi would get jealous; that happens, right? Girls get jealous willy-nilly, this will work. This could not in any way be misconstrued as “I’m over you, Feferi, hit the road and don’t talk to me any more.”
    This was the plan. This was the stupid, stupid plan.
    *
    That was what was supposed to happen.
    That was what didn’t happen.
    Instead, they were sleeping soundly together in Sollux’s respite block; she had curled herself around his legs and he had his hand on her head, hand still entwined in her hair as she purred.

Equius <3< Eridan, because black romance is romance too.

Explanation: Eridan was throwing a bitch fit, so Equius picked him up to stop him from flailing around like a dweeb. Eridan = not amused.

A screeching mewl was heard from down the hall as a cacophony of storming feet made their way closer to the common room. A flash of green burst through the door half a moment before another of blue chasing the first. The second half of the moment saw the blue catching up to the green and both of them crashing headlong into a pile of squiddle dolls and scattering them everywhere.

The green blur, Nepeta had come to rest under the blue, John. The two young men laughed rowdily, John crowing his defeat over the lithe and slender troll he had pinned into the pile of plush toys. Nepeta didn’t take to submission well and he grabbed the human by his hips, deftly flipping their place with a sly purr and nip at John’s neck.

Both were completely oblivious to the presence of anyone else in the common room. Dave cringed at their tactless choice of plush places to make out. Karkat, Kanaya, and Jade all had to restrain Equius from storming the scene and tearing the arms off of John for daring to violate her moirail.

“Hey John?” Nepeta purred, his voice soft in John’s ear. It was a long moment before there was an answer.

“Yeah?” A wide doofus grin was spread across his face as a hand slid around Nepeta’s back slowly

“You’re it.”

“Wh-” John’s protesting went unheard as the catboy troll tore off again down another hall. The human laughed as he got up and gave chase once more “THAT’S NOT HOW TAG WORKS!”